I finally finished up my taxes Sunday night. I actually did all the math a couple of weeks ago, but was hoping I could find a few more deductions before they were due. No such luck. Instead I’m sending Uncle Sam damn near the full balance of my checking account.

So after I filled out the second biggest check I’ve ever written (just a couple hundred shy of the record set by the down payment on my house) I decided to crack open a bottle of wine to wash away that nervous, vomity feeling and drown my sorrows.

This is what I had:
x10 libertine

I had picked this up (by mistake) at a wine tasting I went to last year. I had intended to get a completely different white wine, but when the goobers at the warehouse filled my order, they put the wrong thing in the box. When I discovered the error a couple days later I wasn’t too upset; I remembered this one as being pretty decent.

Oh, how wrong I was.

It’s a real shame, because this label’s Cabernet is one of my absolute favorite wines, period. It’s a faithful standby.

So perhaps it was just this particular bottle that was off. Or perhaps they left the case this bottle came from in the back of a truck for half a Texas summer. Or maybe I was just two sips shy of passing out when I tried this wine at the tasting and it truly was this gawdawful. Though, I’m not sure how my memory could be this faulty, because sweet jeebus this stuff was dreadful. No matter how drunk I am, I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t think paint thinner tastes great, and that’s about how far off I feel I was this time around.

Just in case you’re not fully grasping just how much I hated this wine, let me describe it as it should appear in Robert Parker’s notes…

Aromas of burnt apricot and melting latex. The palate opens with a smooth bite of aerosol WD-40, followed by mids of grapefruit rind and talcum powder, then a lingering finish resonating with ear wax and fresh dryer lint.

The worst thing about it is that I’ve recommended this stuff to friends based on my memories of the wine tasting. For that, I feel sheepishly foolish.

Dearest friends, if I have unduly convinced you to put this evil elixir in your mouths, I sincerely apologize. I can only beg your forgiveness. If I have wronged your sense of good taste, please let me buy you a beer of your choice next time I see you.

Categories: Food