Go see a parade. Blow up some fireworks. Crack open a cold beer. Throw another shrimp on the barbie. Toss a few wieners on the grill.

When you’re done with all that, learn something about why this is such a great nation. Or just watch this quick video and go dig another brew out of the cooler.

It’s been a long time since I’ve done one of these memes. I stole this one from Clare.

Five things you were doing 10 years ago?

1. Spending my last summer in College Station
2. Working as the sole pit security person at a Shania Twain concert which ended with a stage rush of teenage girls. To this day I have never been more scared in my life than that moment.
3. Driving my friend Jason home from his internship with The X-Files and trying (in vain) to convince him that it would be unprofessional to NOT take the route that goes through Roswell, NM
4. Watching one of the MTV awards shows that contained a performance by Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and thinking, “In 10 years people are going to think Christina’s the crazy washed up one.”
5. Wondering if my roommate had been eaten by bears since he should have returned from a weekend camping trip by Thursday. It turned out he had flown to California to meet his internet girlfriend and he didn’t think to make the length of the trip in his lie the same as the length of his ACTUAL trip. He was not a good liar.

Five things on my to-do list today?

1. Finish a CD of “offline web resources” for a client
2. Finish editing photos from the Indy race a couple weeks ago
3. Try to improve the comment spam moderation on my blog
4. See if I can’t trade Brian Roberts in one of my fantasy baseball leagues
5. Call the doctor to make an appointment for a checkup (since I haven’t even set foot there in about 3 years…)

I only expect to accomplish 1 or 2 of these.

Five Places I have traveled? (I’ll give you the five most beautiful roads I’ve driven, in no particular order…)

1. Route 66 between Needles, CA and Kingman, AZ
2. The Gunflint Trail north of Grand Marais, MN along the Canadian Border
3. Blue Ridge Parkway through North Carolina and Virginia
4. Utah Highway 12
5. Arkansas Scenic 7 Byway through the Ouachita National Forest during the fall

Five snacks or treats I enjoy?

1. Pretzels
2. Cheez-Its
3. Banana Chips (it’s a real shame they’re so incredibly bad for you)
4. Dried Pineapple
5. Cashews

Five things I would do if I were a billionaire?

1. Shakira
2. Jenna Fischer
3. Sarah Silverman
4. Salma Hayek
5. Anne Hathaway

What? I was just being honest.

Oh, that’s not what you meant? Oh, fine…

1. Give the bank all of the money they want for the things I (and my family) supposedly “own”
2. Buy a 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California
3. Lobby to eliminate patents on “indigenous” food crops
4. Set up a foundation to give most of it away for good causes. The Bill Gates model is pretty good. Diseases, hunger … root causes of poverty
5. Bankroll a presidential campaign for someone I can trust. Somebody like my dad, who is too smart to run, even for a billion dollars.

Five of my bad habits?

1. I work too much
2. Laziness (on non-work things … just look at my yard)
3. Stay up way too late
4. It sounds weird to say it, but sometimes I’m not selfish enough
5. I’m too patient. (Sometimes the opportunity passes because I’m not in a hurry.)

Five places I have lived?

1. Lexington, KY
2. Arlington, TX
3. College Station, TX
4. Fort Worth, TX
5. Arlington, TX

Five jobs I’ve had?

1. Warehouse monkey at a macaroni factory
2. Scuba diver’s assistant
3. Taught advertising to 5th and 6th graders
4. Electro-Pimp Deluxe
5. My own boss (this one seems to suit me best … most of the time)

So if I eat five packages of this my problem’s solved?

If you’ve wondered why you haven’t heard from me in the last few days, it’s because I’m in Topeka, Kansas. I’m up here with my mom and sister helping sort out a few things with my grandmother. So far that’s mostly meant carting her around to a few doctors’ appointments and trying to sort out the sordid details of an 83-year-old’s pill-popping habits. (Who knew Granny was such an oxy fiend?)

Anyway, This afternoon for lunch my uncle took me to Annie’s Place for some local flavor. I highly recommend it. Especially the butterscotch pie. Sweet Jeebus, that’s a tasty slice!

But the reason for this post is an observation my uncle made.

When we were ordering our drinks I asked for lemonade. I generally don’t do caffeine except when I’m specifically trying to stay awake for something. At most restaurants that quickly cuts down your options to water, Sprite and lemonade. Any of those are usually fine with me, but I find I end up drinking a lot more unneeded sugar when I get Sprite. It has something to do with the carbonation, I think. As for water, I sometimes I feel bad for the waiter’s measly tip when you’re at a table full of 10 people and everybody’s ordering water and a half a sandwich. Of course, I also just really like lemonade. Especially if it’s “real” lemonade and not that “contains no actual juice” lemonade that comes out of a fountain. But with that said, I don’t mind the fake stuff, either.

Anyway, long story short (I know … too late), I ordered lemonade.

The waitress asked, “Is pink OK?”

I said, “Yeah, that’s cool,” and she was off.

Then my uncle says, “Have you ever noticed that if you’re a guy they’ll always ask if pink lemonade is OK?”

And he’s right. In fact, tonight at dinner the exact same thing happened again. We just looked at each other and grinned.

I think back, and though I’ve never even given the question an ounce of thought before, now I figure I must’ve been asked that question hundreds of times before. But two things stand out now:

1. I’ve been asked nearly every time I can remember ordering lemonade and the pink stuff was “on tap.” And I don’t think I’ve ever heard that question asked of a female in my dining party.
2. I’ve never heard anyone say, “Hell no, it’s not OK! Get that vile stuff away from me!”

So now I wonder, “Are my friends and family just more “pink friendly” than the average American diner?” Are there guys out there who won’t drink pink drinks for fear of someone questioning their masculinity? And is it any more manly to order a drink named Sprite?

To my friends out there who have waited tables before, I ask “Is this really such a big deal?”

To my other friends, I ask, “Have you ever turned away non-yellow lemonade?” If so, why?

At this point, I would call myself a “semi-pro” photographer. I have photos hanging in an art gallery. I have sold a few pieces. I have done work under contract. I’ve had a waitress at a popular establishment that serves hot wings ask me to take photos of her for their company’s calendar. (Though I sadly lost her contact info.) So all of that is to say that my camera gets a good workout.

I have a degree in journalism, and took photojournalism-specific and media law classes in pursuit of that degree. I’ve worked as a professional editor. All of that is to say that, though I am not a lawyer, I should probably know a thing or two about when and where you can and cannot take a photo. (And even so, I have consulted an attorney about that very subject, as well.)

So it really irks me to see things like this happening more and more often:
Photographers harassed by security at Union Station … even while interviewing Amtrak’s chief spokesman.

It has happened to me more than a couple of times.

Not to go off on a rant here (I know … too late), but selective and arbitrary bans on photography are an incredibly unfortunate, shortsighted and quite frankly ignorant abuse of authority. They are not only bad for art, they are bad for journalism. They are bad for democracy and for America. The UK, too.

–

UPDATE: Alleluia and an Amen from Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton. Good on her!

As many of you know, I’m a virtual dance machine. (Emphasis on the “virtual.”)

That’s right, just get me fueled up with about 2-3 quarts of liquid rhythm and I’m an unstoppable ninja of jitterbug and jive. Whether it’s cranking that Soulja Boy or simply sliding electrically, one thing is for certain:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And damn right, it’s better than yours.

Some would suggest that I should charge for teaching you moves such as mine. But I see such efforts as a public service. I know I’m doing my part to make the world a more soulful place.

So today, we’ll start with the latest dance craze that’s sweeping the nation. That’s right, I’m talking about THE FISHSTICK. You may have heard about the Fishstick if you listen to You Look Nice Today. If you don’t listen to YLNT (and you are not my parents) you probably should.

So what IS the Fishstick, you say?

Well, it’s probably easier to describe what the Fishstick is not.

The Fishstick is not a “line dance.” You could perhaps do it while standing in a line. And perhaps everyone in that line may be doing the Fishstick. But unlike a “line dance” there is not, nor should there be, a coordination of the movements of the individuals present.

There are no “steps” to the Fishstick. The Fishstick is predominantly an intellectual pursuit. As Merlin Mann said while debuting the dance on YLNT, “the Fishstick is mostly happening in your head.”

The Fishstick is not flamboyant or flashy. It has a subtle grace. In fact, it may not be obvious. The Fishstick is often mistaken for spasms or slight seizures.

But really, haven’t we talked about the Fishstick enough? It’s probably better that I just show you.

Because the Fishstick is particularly mellow and limited range of motion is not an impediment to its exhibition, the Fishstick is well suited for performing while driving. Certainly more so than the Charleston.

So that’s the situation for this instructional clip. Follow along, if you’re feeling it.

Now would be an appropriate time to point out that there are several regional varieties of the Fishstick. The traditional music to which the Fishstick should be performed if doing the original “San Francisco Style” Fishstick is Tighten Up by Archie Bell and the Drells.

In North Texas, this would be a major faux pas. Up here we have a particular distaste for all things from Houston, the Drells’ home town, which is prominently mentioned in their version of the song. So performing to their version would be like showing up at Wrigley Field wearing a White Sox cap and t-shirt — a bad, bad idea. Therefore, in the greater Dallas area the Fishstick is commonly performed to the version of Tighten Up which appears on James Brown’s Say It Live and Loud: Live in Dallas 08.26.68 album.

I also realize that some of you are saying to yourselves, “Hey, I think this video has been edited! Can’t you show us the Fishstick in a single take?”

Good eyes, keen observer! You are absolutely right: This video has been edited. If you look closely, you may notice that I am driving a big, American pickup truck. Since this clip is nearly NINETY SECONDS LONG I had to stop for gas in the middle of the filming, so it only made sense to edit that out. I also stopped at Sonic for a delicious strawberry limeade. Proper hydration is key to a good Fishstick.

I know I haven’t updated in a while. I’ve been insanely busy the last couple of weeks (business is good) and just haven’t had time to write anything. Rest assured though, I’ve been bookmarking a few things to post about. And more importantly, the site I’m passing along in today’s post will make up for my recent absence.

Last night I was catching up on Leo Laporte and Amber MacArthur’s net@night podcast while burning the midnight oil plugging away on some code. As I’ve mentioned before, I absolutely love it whenever you can get a peek into the “hive mind” of the internet and simultaneously get a glimpse of both the macro and the micro of what a community is thinking. On episode 52 Leo and Amber discussed something that I knew I had to check out:

Twistori

Here’s a screenshot:

Sweet Jeebus, this thing is cool.

What it does is scan the latest posts on Twitter for each of those six words on the left of the screen. Then it just displays those posts in a continually updating feed. It’s mesmerizing to watch. Some of the posts will be hilarious. Some will be deeply personal and serious. Looking at this evoked a bit of the same emotions I had the first time I saw PostSecret.

Anyway, I just thought this was exceptionally cool and beautiful.

Oh, and they even made a screen saver out of it. (I think it’s Mac only, though.) What’s especially nifty about the screen saver is that I have a dual monitor setup, and it will start the feed in different places for each monitor. So I may have “love” on one screen and “hate” on the other. And come on, that’s just totally wickedly cool.

This photo of my dad’s Dodge Charger SRT8 is my most viewed photo in my Flickr stream. As of today it is now over 10,000 views. Yes, that’s the right number of zeroes. TEN THOUSAND views.

My next highest ranked photo has just over 3,000 views.

What’s interesting to me is that the vast majority of this traffic (85%) is from Yahoo search. Another 6% is from Flickr search. The rest is scattered among a million little things.

Part of the reason I find this so interesting is that I have 1,825 other photos posted on Flickr. I have several other photos of Dodge Chargers. Why, out of all of these photos, is this one so popular?

It’s certainly not my best photo. It’s certainly not my most sensational photo. Heck, I have good photos of famous people. I even have photos of famous people that have been blogged by the famous people in the photo!

What’s so special about this? Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I’m just curious.

Go figure, huh?

One of my top 5 favorite movies of all time is The Big Lebowski.

I’m sure that my loyal readers, both of you, are shocked to hear this.

I absolutely love the scene which generates the following dialogue, resulting in the dude indeed getting kicked out of the cab he had hired:

The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?
Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don’t like my fuckin’ music get your own fuckin’ cab!
The Dude: I had a rough…
Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out!
The Dude: Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin’ Eagles, man!

Personally, I love the Eagles. But I can totally relate to the way The Dude is feeling here.

You see, deep within every music lover resides a deep hatred for one or two acts that everyone else might seem to believe are the quintessential examples of rock and roll perfection. Usually you tolerate them on the radio, or in social settings. You may even know all the words to their songs, after all, as well-loved as they are you may have heard them with enough frequency to commit them to memory.

Then, one day, when you’ve had a particularly rough go of things, you’ll find yourself in a mood where you’re just NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH IT TODAY.

Today Merlin Mann posted something on Twitter that unleashed my inner Dudeness.

This.

Seriously. Click through on that link. I promise it’s not a Rickroll. I’ll be here when you get back.

…

OK, did we all make it back? Good.

SWEET JUMPING JEHOSEPHUCK, WHO THE HELL GETS A BOB FUCKING SEGER TATTOO?!?!

Did they know this was Bob Seger and not Bob Saget?

Bob Seger
Bob Seger is at the top of my list of “get kicked out of the cab” artists. I’m not sure exactly what it is about his music that particularly irritates me. It’s OK. I just don’t find it particularly good. And maybe that’s it — that he has squandered his fame with dizzying volumes of mediocrity.

(I’ve always found that song title to be a bit ironic, since you could probably name any song on any of his albums “Still the Same” … every one of them feels like it’s the same as the one before to me.)

I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who think that not liking Bob Seger probably makes me a communist or something. Just to reassure those people, let me state for the record that I prefer Coke over Pepsi (and will take RC if you’ve got it), I pull for Dale Earnhardt Jr., and I drive a bigass American pick’em up truck.

Are we cool? Good.

So who else is on my list? Who else might you be wise to avoid putting on the iPod if I’m carpooling with you? I’ll give you two:

1 - Eddie Money
To be perfectly honest, I find Eddie Money more objectionable than Bob Seger. He may be the nicest guy in the music business for all I know, but I just find every song I’ve ever heard of his to be absolutely dreadful. I think it’s no coincidence that “Two Tickets to Paradise” is the theme song for the most retarded show in the reality TV genre: Paradise Hotel.

2 - Jackson Browne
I know I’m supposed to like Jackson Browne. I just don’t. And he’s a good songwriter. I can objectively admit this. In fact, I love “Take It Easy,” which he co-wrote with Glenn Frey for The Eagles. And I understand he had a hand in making America’s “Sister Golden Hair,” which is a total hit with me as well. Both of those songs get very high marks from me.

I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about Jackson Browne that seems to irritate me personally. It’s like he’s that guy everybody knew in high school who was overly friendly with everybody. So much so that it was kinda creepy. Then you find out at your high school reunion that the guy grew up to be an anesthesiologist and lost his license for taking pictures of his patients’ naughty parts after he’d knocked them out. I dunno. There’s just this vibe about him that weirds me out.